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Marching Ants

I have reason to believe that the entire world is gathered at this bottle neck known as the spanking new legal resource centre. LRC in short. Made multiple rounds on perpendicular and parallel streets trying not to get into an accident. Just hoping to find an empty 1 by 3 marking on the ground to rest my tired engine. I'm amazed at how people can get so lucky. I witnessed at least 6 buggers getting it like it was dropped onto their lap by some cosmic force out there.

My personal source of power and miracle had to happen. C'mon, you've got to get me one of those. I'm sure there's something around. I just need to navigate and you got to show me how. It was already 55 minutes into the hour and I was all ready to pack up, hang my head low like a defeated dog and head home.

I turned down an unlikely street with rows and rows of long term tenants with half a heart hoping and the other part almost despairing. Then I spotted it. Clean, empty, freshly vacated, almost beaming with pride to welcome me into its abode. I swerved like a trigger pulled at impulse. My hands shivered with excitement and gratitude as I found myself sitting along the same rows I thought I was never going to settle in on.

One calzone, one latte: one lunch and an hour later, I'm sitting at my favourite corner watching the ants below, anxiously zooming past each other, as the providential light playfully dances on the rooftops in majestic victory.

"And we know that all things work together for GOOD to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 [KJV]

chucKie

Random Quiz

Who goes "gchsrwkrwcscwskw", sounds like hounddog growl and usually takes place in a quiet environment such as a library, examination hall or lecture theatre?

a) your pet cockroach crying for help in your prada handbag,
b) tiramisu addiction symptoms,
c) sound of shit in the making,
d) ask sarah.

No prizes for guessing the right answer.

brought to you by the kind, immensely distracted and bored students on the west wing of a certain law library at leicester street...

chucKie

The Squeeze

One of the crazy things about going for small venue gigs is that the place is crowded, assuming the gig is sold out, and people smoke, push, shove, unwittingly touch you, at times at places you prefer not to mention and stand right in front of you like you didn't exist.

I had so many Ally Mc Beal moments. Had half a mind to slap and rip off the bones of these smiling conniving fans who arrive late and push their way to the front. Next time I'm going to one of these gigs with a small pin needle and use it to remind them of their conscience. And 90% of these inconsiderate shovers are girls. Tonight the stats stood at full retail value. Pig heads! I mean, what's up man? What happened to the sensitive, considerate girls I've known? Piece a blob!

Sigh, that's what you get when you are a fan who's there for the music like everyone else.

At least Sarah walked away with a John Mayer imprinted pick. Awesome. Show and tell, show and tell.....

Oh, and did I mention that we bootlegged the entire gig?

chucKie

Took this quiz and I'm supposed to be a Fender Strat. Cool, there's hope yet!

What guitar are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

chucKie

Sunset at 8pm

Yes, this is a sure sign of the sweet summer days beckoning. Stretch your days! Surf late! Stay up!

I'm almost done with my first essay. So that should leave me about 2 more weeks to another 3 essays to work me butt off. No time for recovery. It's a back to back tour of sorts. I hope I do justice to the gifts entrusted to me.

Having a vaccine virus swimming in my head now so I can barely write. Hope to recover soon.

chucKie

Can I just say something?

I miss my Powerbook!!!

I lent it to a friend about two weeks ago cos he needed a computer to work on his theological essays. I felt obliged cos he had been such a nice guy and sat down with me when I needed to just find a virtual emotional sack to hit. God used him to help me see things in a clearer way. I'm grateful and decided not to hog two machines and share the resources abit although it is killing me. Sigh, I'm such a bad person. But I can't help it cos as all mac addicts do, they get withdrawal symptoms when they don't get to lug their machines around.

... BUT, but, but but but..... John Mayer will be happening in exactly two days! Have you memorized the album yet? I just heard ALL the tickets have been sold out. Thank God that Sarah went to be among the first few to get the tickets. I'm sure it'll be really crowded at HiFI Bar. I'm going to camp out on Monday night...

Daylight Savings happens at 2am on Sunday. So for those of you on the Eastern Time Zone of the South here, please adjust your clock to an hour forward. See you after the warp.

chucKie

Miracles in the making

It happened to me when I was in dire need of pulling out my reservations to drive myself to meet the social quota. I found two $2 coins last night and it saved my day. Locker rental and parking fee. Enough to put me on the escalator to the next level. You see, I have a lot of 5 cent coins and machines don't really like them. So some nights I find myself in total frustration because I know my day cannot begin until there is some change to scatter along the way. Plus, to break the notes into tiny bits is as close as shearing my heart out. Cos not much is left.

But I want to appreciate Wally, E-Gene and Sarah for offering and paying for me along the way. I'm glad you guys are still such great friends after all the years. I love you guys!

I'd also like to propose a toast to this thing known as miracles. They happen everyday. If you want to be averse to this cliche, you can be missing so much. I'm training my eyes to see beyond the paparazzi of junk we've fed ourselves with. Some cliches are not that bad and for starters, I believe in cliches, cos they are the simplest of truths we kill ourselves over. But let's not digress.

I witnessed a miracle happening in me last night as I went droning in my self serving wine. I found a homeless guy off the streets of Nashville. His name is Kevin Michael Barbieux. The irony is, he owns a cyberhome. Yes, a blogspot like many of us fans do. I listened as he told his side of his story and it warmed my heart. Here is a guy who has no roof over his head, has his own issues to deal with, yet is doing all he can to help other homeless people. Go take time to find out and it might open up certain treasures in you that could change your life. Of course, that is assuming you haven't grown a sceptic tumour in your brain. I hope it puts us all in utter shame.

I ran away from home once in a certain September day in my teenage years and was homeless for a while. Many people don't know this. My experiences were nowhere near those The National Homeless Coalition is trying to help. But the prospect of becoming homeless is a very scary thought and for those of us who have to work out the rent every month knows the fear behind it. I hope it doesn't become a reality.

Let's go give out packets some day. I'm serious.

Oh, I just heard some of Julie Lee's stuff. Awesome! You like country?
chucKie

Late in Bloom

let's paint our last resort as words don't work anymore
chucKie

Mufflers for the Ride

Why?

Why am I faint with hunger? Why is the landfill diminishing? Why do I always end up in the orphanage everytime I cry out for love?

Why?

Why do I always have to wear mufflers? Why can't I wise up and revolve? Why is my silver lining always a mirage?

Why? Why? Am I a fool? Cos all I see is Red.

if you don't want me, should I not want you?
chucKie

Surround Sound

What were they thinking? Was it too loud? Or were the credibility of these boys too young for them to justify the angst? I had to hold back my tears when the screams started cutting through the thick melodic canvas. I felt the pain and the remnants of blood stains fresh from a familiar recent battle that resulted in near death victory. I felt the contrite heart weighing down on a flying kite. Do I believe that love has changed your ways?

We need heroes to inspire us. Heroes who have chosen to believe and left all their eggs in the right side of the basket. Heroes who lost everything but gained the rest.

He held me in his arms the entire day. Cradling me and whispering soft words of peace, comfort and love amidst the chaos and madness that surrounded. It was loud but he was clear. It was confronting but he was gentle. It was enticing but he was satisfying. I allowed my hands to lose its grip on the wheel and I saw with my mind's eye how he took over and steered us in a direction less travelled. He smiled and turned to see my pale blue face as I replayed the red pill scene again.

I left the stadium with a mid tone drone in my ear and a half aching back. What a trip down the valley of dry bones. Sorting out the boxes, unpacking the shoes and dusting off the books. I wanted to run up to the top of the mountain but I ended up in the cellar taking a long look at the collected bottles. I think it's time I gave them away. And so I did.

So that I could dance again.

visit the rest
chucKie

Insomniac

The difference is, I am not blogging at 3am in the morning. There's one more hour before my battle with the hypervirus begins.

I'm going to do whatever I can and beyond to slip into a coma tonight. There's the bedtime reading with soft light. There's the camomile tea sitting by my side. There're the pillows and quilt snugging me nice and warm. There're the sleeping pills within reach.

Since Sunday, I've done whatever I could. Pray, slow down. Fast from digital food. Read. Sip tea. Last night was the worst. For three hours straight, I was lying there like a dead corpse. Except that I was very much alive. If this carries on, I am going to see a shrink.

But what am I going to pay with? There's an irony for you. Sigh.

Dear God. Please send me company I can keep...
chucKie

Parenting

Don't ask me why.

But I felt for the first time the effect of my words in retaliation to my parents, particularly my mum. Her kind intentions often became my pivot for cruel sarcasm that would have cut deeper than I felt.

You cross certain borders in time, certain parts of you die and certain lifeforms attach themselves onto your back. Sometimes they appear out of nowhere and sometimes you can predict how those creatures behave. So you learn to deal with them like you would a new pet you bought from the pet store. And soon enough they become the spitting image of you, talking like you, moving in tandem with every motion of your physicality and emotive iconic structures.

Like us, they age and break down and need to leave a part of themselves in places you dwell. But we've got to be careful not to dust off too often and cast the wrong pearls on the wrong side of the bed. For the shadows we cast could send children screaming venomously. Like we somehow robbed them of their right to die in the sun in their own terms. Who are we to trudge anyway?

So the next time I go out on a jogging stint, I'm keeping my eyes peeled. Not every mushroom needs to be harvested. Not every flower needs to be touched. Not every drowning seagull needs your kind distractions.

Goodnight Victoria, it's time I retired.

under the wings of a magnificent God...
chucKie

There you go...

Can you believe this little nuke cost AUD$4.50? What a ripper!

At least it's a nice herbal balm - "with Aloe, Chamomile, Avocado, Jojoba and moisturisers". I can't believe I'm reading the fine print...

chucKie

Change of Hands

When you live in a tucked away corner of the earth, change is something you have to be used to. Like here I am experiencing again the transition of winter to spring. But in Victoria, the corner of the tucked away continent, change is almost momentous. That four-seasons-in-a-day joke has been dealt to its death in all forms of publication and banter.

I used to complain about constant perspiration. Now I am plagued with the drying effects on my skin. I used to think it was cool to have dry flakes under the lips and on the sides of my chin. But this is not cool - bleeding cracked lips. Yes, three meals a day complete with three blood soaked tissue paper. I mean, I actually wished I didn't have to open my mouth to eat. Cos everytime I do, I have to stretch the lips to let the food past the sore lips resulting in a spleen and spill of blood. Ow! Darn it... Ugh! Now I understand how one of my colleagues felt when she couldn't force a relatively small spooful of noodles easily down her mouth. She had an unusually small shaped mouth and there I was laughing at her expense. How the tables do take their turn.

I need new lip balm. Both my chap sticks have been more than 2 years old and I guess that explains why I smeared lip-red blood on my hotdog bun. It's like insurance or anti virus software. You don't really need it on a normal day. But when something happens you'll curse yourself for not having it. In my case, I held onto the expired versions thinking that there would be a free upgrade somewhere. No free lunches these days. But one's always free to hope.

But I'm not even near my mid life crisis ladder yet. So I'll have to keep up with the trend of things and hope on, bag on, carry on. But we live like we have so little time to sit and maybe even read. We've got to rush on with our lives as if it was a two-hour tea light candle party. The reality is, we might just die tomorrow. We spend our lives trying to live faster, trying to beat the freight train and the annoying alarm clock that we could have just forgotten when we did last breathe.

So hey, throw your speakers behind your trailer and take a trip down to the river bank and think about the constellations and their positions. I'd like to hear what you'll come up with.

And while you're at it, go listen to: Beth Orton - Daybreaker. And please BUY the album!

dried up reserve...
chucKie

Shadows, Dark Clouds and the Weather Forecast...

It scuffles underneath you, below the tip of your feet. Almost a tickle, it creeps up behind your calves grabbing you pulling you laughing as it does.

You sense its sharp breath approaching. You are certain you can smell the stench of the rain. The sting rushes up your nose invades your head and for a while, you are not quite sure where this is leading to.

You regain your strength and try to stand up but a bolt of pain strikes just between your neck and jawbone. You fall back onto the seat you have been strapped to. You struggle, you kick and somehow you cannot scream. The room is empty as it was before and you wonder why you led yourself to this.

The door creaks and you turn your head to take a peek from the corner of your eyes. You see no one. As the door opens you feel a slow but deadly cold breeze approaching. You hear footsteps on your right and you jump in fright. Then the silence began to bite.

Once again, the same stench you experienced earlier begins to fill the room. Once again, you are sure you can feel him approach. You look around you but you see no one. You begin to feel the sting working up your head, plunging itself self down into your belly scratching the surface of your empty stomach. You feel the claws and the cold steel against the thin membranes of your inner bag. You know any moment it is going to break, burst and you imagine the worst and somehow you cry out....

"Why have you forsaken me!"

Your heart begins to bleed, tear and rip itself apart. You clasp your chest with both your hands and try to keep it in place. You pray for courage of a lion to keep it together and not give in. Blood gushes from your mouth as you open them to scream. You feel your eyes burning and your head dismembering.

Then you begin to feel the first drops of rain on your face, at first pricking the wounds that have arisen out of the battle. Then slowly, the dark clouds begin to gather above you and your shadow behind you disappears. You despair and try to pull yourself together while at the same time crawling to the nearest exit you can find.

"Not again, not again...." and you doze off into a deep sleep.

what will tomorrow bring for our wretched souls to drink
chucKie