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That viscious cycle of the curse.

It doesn't definitely sound like my life is semi charmed. I'm really sick and tired of getting left overs, cold dinners and unwanted toys. Damn it! I want the best. The very best. Nothing less. I'm tired of looking through the window and wish it was real. I'm tired of dreaming and trying to reach out when all there is is the slapping of hands and shaking of heads. Go burn. I don't care. I've really had enough. Why does it always rain on me? Why doesn't it rain on your porch? Why can't I bring myself to fold my hands and laugh so loudly that I can hear myself rolling on the floor, piercing my sides but loving it anyway? Why does it always happen to me. Of all things. Of all people. Why do I feel like someone is cursing me? Why do I always tremble, tumble and fall? Why does it have to always end this way? I'm so tired I wish I were dead. Dead dead.

Not another day, please, I beg of you.

chucKie

Warm Soup

Food brings universal comfort, doesn't it. Throw in a company of friends who speak your hometown tongue and you're it.

Yet, some of us find the outer circle and stumble out of it, discovering that we've been living under the shadow of a con job and try to tell us all that we've been pre-programmed. It's time to get out, you shout. You shout your lungs out and it falls on deaf ears. Deaf ears who are more concerned about keepiing status quo. Status quo, being the equilibrium of all things unchanged, which really doesn't happen unless in death. Why do we go in circles when we are really just dying?

Why are we afraid of change? Some of us, as I've alluded before, embrace it like the cheese station story, yet, the majority of the good intentioned circle of amiable get-along-well parties push it away as hearsay, or even, heresey.

But what if the majority have been wrong all this while? And there's really no other way out other than the tunnel.

What am I talking about here? I wish it was as easy as the letters, words, phrases and sentences simply put together. But the simpler I put it, the more absurd it would sound. Or it might just sound like a harmless piece of information. I'm exploding everyday. Cos, somedays, I can't handle the truth. I want to scream at the top of my lungs - there's no such thing! We've been fooled!

Somedays, I get patient and carry on my covert mission. My mission to slowly pull people out of the rut and find a new community who will enjoy the bright future together, doing the right things, catching the waves, riding the orient into the sunset, impacting the world, changing them one by one, moving the bad out, carving a legacy and make the world a better place.

I hope tomorrow will be a change of better weather.

Wipe off the mud and carry on. 1 Cor 10:13

chucKie

Familiar Images

Times like these, when the weather gets unbearable, when an easy fix is not within reach, you tend to miss the things you once associated with.

I was very tempted last night. To go back. To give it another chance. Almost for good.

But the glaring mistakes and awkward syntax completely turned me off. Reminded me of why I chose to leave. Reminded me of my journey.

Hearing from the horse's mouth just about sealed it. Don't come back. It's really quite bad. How real can it get?

Question is, how do I stay? It has bugged me since the beginning and it is beginning to become the reality. Years dwindling into months and soon into countable days. Last days. Yet, change is constant and you never know what's next.

Yes I do miss my birth place. After all, twenty six years is a credible amount.

chucKie

Winter

The world is dying
One by one
Slowly by numbers
Knowingly, I shudder.

Premature winter months
A likely sign of decay
Signalling a sort of campaign
And conspiracy against mankind.

We fight the battles aimlessly
So we could reach a certain peace treaty
While fools go on their day jobs
We'll find some scape goat to report.

Turn off the telly and let me see
What this show could mean for you and me
Let's work our brains out
And forget why we began in the first place.

Goodnight Mr Thomas Anderson.

chucKie

Warm Feeling

Been so up to the mark that I seem to become flawless and invincible.

Deejaying, that is. Or maybe I'm so used to doing weddings that I know what turns people on. Like I can do no wrong as long as I'm on the job. Been following a formula of sorts. Using the same songs in the same context to work the crowd. As usual, the guests kept shouting for more. Alchohol and YMCA really does go so well. We'll make cheerleaders of them yet.

Not to mention the best dinner on the side. Was fed the full blown version of the wedding dinner. Except there wasn't any ice cream for dessert - it was substituted with fruits, which was still good. Finger food to start with - spring rolls, samosas, chicken drumlets. A big serving of Antipasto as Entree. Pasta Bolognese as Appetizer. Chicken and Beef Steak as Mains with a big bowl of side salad. Fruits for desserts. Wedding cake. Ending with Tea. 5 course dinner and I had a table all to myself. By the time I got to the Appetizer, I was already bloated. And yes, I had the wedding cake.

Perhaps this was to make up for the many wedding dinners where I simply starved through.

Love meeting the people and having them come up and say their words of appreciation. Really does a lot for my self esteem and confidence. God has a good way of putting me in the right place in the right association.

I love my life.

chucKie

Truth #2

Life is like jam. The less you have, the more you spread.

- from the French movie Heaven (Le Petit Ciel), directed by Jean-Sébastien Lord (1999).

chucKie

Reloaded

That love scene might be a bit contrive. Put in there just for the Hollywood trademark of their sense of the universal appeal.

It blew my mind, nonetheless. We're all suckers for graphics, animation and the power that computers can give to the limited human physique. There was certainly pleasure to find stunts never before possible on screen multiplied a hundred or even a thousand fold. Artistic vision stayed true. Love the details. Which is why I would watch it again, buy it on DVD when the trilogy set gets published. Can't wait for Revolutions in November.

Was it a thicker plot? Can't quite put my finger on it. Complicated would be the closest I can get. So many characters introduced that make the world of Zion become more real. Before, we just heard references and had no idea what that was. Some bits reminded me of Star Wars - the sense of the tribe and exile.

For so long, The Matrix and the real world were kept seperate. Each existed side by side but never really crossed. It's quite impossible to cross technology and organism. Somehow, I think they kinda played with that idea and had that intrusion which would destabilize the existence of each. Hopefully I know what I'm talking about and you would too if you've watched it.

Go watch and remember the details. Stay till the end of the credits and you won't regret it.

chucKie

Set Sail

This is not about running away.

The water is rising. Flooding if you will. Feel it rumaging through your canvas shoes. Feel it rising up to meet your knees.

Get into the ark. Get in. Don't be stubborn. Don't drown. Don't choose what the masses decide for you.

Sail. Set Sail. On a journey difficult and traumatic. But you know this is really the way. The way to sail through in His big scheme. In His big picture. Of abundance. Of love. Of hope. In faith. And so forth. So you say.

I ran so I could tell the difference. The difference between the charging wind and charging into adversity.

chucKie

You made me cry

Yes, you made me cry. And I love you for that.

Only you. No one else.

chucKie

Close/Open

When one door closes, another opens.

You better believe it. Even if you don't believe in God. When you begin to dream and believe miracles will happen to you, the whole universe will conspire to make that happen.

Sarah passed her driving test - 1st attempt!

Shawn won a Tungsten C at a Palm Launch on Wednesday - he believed and claimed it in Jesus' name.

I got fired recently but got another new job - and they pay cash in hand. My new boss is a nice bloke and happens to be a good drinking buddy .... er.... yah.

Still don't believe in miracles? Where have you been?

The truth about the conspiracy theory is this - which side of the coin are you on?

Choose dreams. Choose belief. Choose innocence. Choose naivety. Choose life. Choose to kick those negative thought patterns today.

chucKie

Hide me in your arms

Three
Days, one too many.
Blow out the fire,
My one trip desire; your chimney
On the roof, over the poof
In a run of the mill and sort of
Chill, to the bone,
Like a single mid-wife
Stone, carved out on the shower
As if your life could tower that past
Tense below her.
What nonsense do you prefer?

chucKie

Whatever makes you happy

What does it take to make a man? Some of us find joy in being on the top of every event and making a fool of us all. Think Hitler and the nazi rule. Kinda reminds me of the movie, The Pianist.

Somehow we get thrown out of our balconies everyday. Sometimes, it happens a few times in that same day. Sigh, I don't want to dwell on that. But maybe you haven't dwelt on it enough. I'd like to have you play victim for one decade. I'd like to be the one to laugh at your helplessness. I mean, how would you know if you've never been there. Stop it, honey.

You never meant it that way. But don't tell me not to when you know very well where this usually leads to. Knowing my predictability doesn't give you the liberty to flank me the way you usually do. Some of us will break our silence someday. That day would be ugly.

Do you crave perfection? Depends on what that word means to you. Our worlds seem to break apart from the moment you decide for me what's good for me. Maybe I should focus on my own selfishness and leave you to lick your own dirt off your face. I don't intend to solve anything for you. I just want to love you. I just want to feel safe around you. Don't compromise our mission, please.

Make the best of your morning, whatever's left.

chucKie