Monday, July 28, 2003
Blown Up
There was a charge in the room when he began to breathe. Some form of explosive blew up inside me. Couldn't help but break down. My clenched fist went loose. My defences dropped. My downtrodden head lifted.
Left the building with an aching heart. Is there a change in need of attention?
I'm opening my eyes to the energy of the next generation. While we can be helpless at the time frame we are in, there are mine fields to be tapped on and diamonds to be cut. While I was on the anvil then, now I am the chisel. The chisel in need of compassion to plough the fallowed ground. The cycle has come full circle. It's time to change the tools of the trade.
It's time to take charge of the wind and trust.
chucKie
There was a charge in the room when he began to breathe. Some form of explosive blew up inside me. Couldn't help but break down. My clenched fist went loose. My defences dropped. My downtrodden head lifted.
Left the building with an aching heart. Is there a change in need of attention?
I'm opening my eyes to the energy of the next generation. While we can be helpless at the time frame we are in, there are mine fields to be tapped on and diamonds to be cut. While I was on the anvil then, now I am the chisel. The chisel in need of compassion to plough the fallowed ground. The cycle has come full circle. It's time to change the tools of the trade.
It's time to take charge of the wind and trust.
chucKie
Friday, July 25, 2003
Phew!
Found out that the Hotsync did sync the contacts, schedules and memo. At least I haven't lost my creative stuff and important details. Lost the Bible and Dictionary though... Argh!
chucKie
Found out that the Hotsync did sync the contacts, schedules and memo. At least I haven't lost my creative stuff and important details. Lost the Bible and Dictionary though... Argh!
chucKie
The Great Avalanche
In a matter of an hour, I have managed the following...
1. Lost ALL of my backup data on my PC while figetting with re-installing Win XP. Somehow, even though I typed format c: in the dos command prompt, the system decided to format not the C drive (which is the system drive) but the D drive, which is where ALL of my backup data is kept!
2. Formatted the entire drive clean and re-installed Win XP. Downloaded Palm Desktop 4.1 and tried to hotsync it with my Sony Clie S360. Guess what? Palm Desktop 4.1 and the Clie don't sync. Therefore, it created a serious fatal error on my Clie that won't go away. No matter how many times I hit the soft reset, it still won't go away! It probably means I have to erase all data on the Clie to save it. Which means losing all my data, that is to say, ALL of my contacts from around the world, ALL of my emails, ALL of my creative writing/song ideas, ALL of my banking account details, including the WHOLE NKJV Bible and the WHOLE MSDictionary!!!
Feeling like my life is on a stanbd still now. Like I'm being bleached clean and dry.
So this is really a formatting of my social and emotional hard drive as well.
And it all stems from working with a PC!
chucKie
In a matter of an hour, I have managed the following...
1. Lost ALL of my backup data on my PC while figetting with re-installing Win XP. Somehow, even though I typed format c: in the dos command prompt, the system decided to format not the C drive (which is the system drive) but the D drive, which is where ALL of my backup data is kept!
2. Formatted the entire drive clean and re-installed Win XP. Downloaded Palm Desktop 4.1 and tried to hotsync it with my Sony Clie S360. Guess what? Palm Desktop 4.1 and the Clie don't sync. Therefore, it created a serious fatal error on my Clie that won't go away. No matter how many times I hit the soft reset, it still won't go away! It probably means I have to erase all data on the Clie to save it. Which means losing all my data, that is to say, ALL of my contacts from around the world, ALL of my emails, ALL of my creative writing/song ideas, ALL of my banking account details, including the WHOLE NKJV Bible and the WHOLE MSDictionary!!!
Feeling like my life is on a stanbd still now. Like I'm being bleached clean and dry.
So this is really a formatting of my social and emotional hard drive as well.
And it all stems from working with a PC!
chucKie
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Hail at 3.45pm
It has arrived. Great balls of ice. Pelting against the ceramic roof and rusty window panes. Sends a shiver up your nerves.
And now I'm stuck at home.
chucKie
It has arrived. Great balls of ice. Pelting against the ceramic roof and rusty window panes. Sends a shiver up your nerves.
And now I'm stuck at home.
chucKie
Cold Ahead
Thursday
Rain at first contracting east and clearing early morning, but a few showers to
follow during the day with the risk of hail. North to northwesterly wind
freshening during the morning then tending more westerly later.
Min 8 Max 13
shoulda bought that umbrella...
chucKie
Thursday
Rain at first contracting east and clearing early morning, but a few showers to
follow during the day with the risk of hail. North to northwesterly wind
freshening during the morning then tending more westerly later.
Min 8 Max 13
shoulda bought that umbrella...
chucKie
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Primal Instincts
Let's see...
WinXP crashed and restarted itself while I was selecting files to move. Yes, how pathetic can it get?
Let's see...
I've got Placebo's new album free. Some useless beer company sponsored freebies like oversized t-shirts, poker cards, hats, keychains. And the free Placebo secret gig (apparently it said so on the free tickets) turned out to be a soundcheck. They played only 4 songs to a crowd of about 30. But still, it's free, so how much do you expect. It's the shortest gig I've attended. 20 mins for an international selling band from UK. But remember, it was a soundcheck...
Let's see...
I've got a new job. But after seeking some professional advice, I might not take it up. Bugger!
Let's see...
I realised that one of the guys I'll be in partnership with in my business is very well connected. He knows celebrities - Australian ones, that is. And he is filthy rich. Interesting how when you are at the lowest point, something like that turns out. Don't know if I should LOL or COL.
Let's see...
I seriously hate windows. But half the world is handcuffed to them. For example, the banking system of Singapore. Internet Banking for Singapore banks do not work on the mac. They are only Windows friendly. Amazingly, that platform happen to be the most insecure. Plus, it's so cumbersome to use. Seriously peeved off.
Let's see...
Matchbox Twenty! Yes, got a date on Friday. Peter Stuart, formerly known as Dog's Eye View, will be the opening act. Coolness balooness!
chucKie
Let's see...
WinXP crashed and restarted itself while I was selecting files to move. Yes, how pathetic can it get?
Let's see...
I've got Placebo's new album free. Some useless beer company sponsored freebies like oversized t-shirts, poker cards, hats, keychains. And the free Placebo secret gig (apparently it said so on the free tickets) turned out to be a soundcheck. They played only 4 songs to a crowd of about 30. But still, it's free, so how much do you expect. It's the shortest gig I've attended. 20 mins for an international selling band from UK. But remember, it was a soundcheck...
Let's see...
I've got a new job. But after seeking some professional advice, I might not take it up. Bugger!
Let's see...
I realised that one of the guys I'll be in partnership with in my business is very well connected. He knows celebrities - Australian ones, that is. And he is filthy rich. Interesting how when you are at the lowest point, something like that turns out. Don't know if I should LOL or COL.
Let's see...
I seriously hate windows. But half the world is handcuffed to them. For example, the banking system of Singapore. Internet Banking for Singapore banks do not work on the mac. They are only Windows friendly. Amazingly, that platform happen to be the most insecure. Plus, it's so cumbersome to use. Seriously peeved off.
Let's see...
Matchbox Twenty! Yes, got a date on Friday. Peter Stuart, formerly known as Dog's Eye View, will be the opening act. Coolness balooness!
chucKie
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
oPtIonS oVeRLoaD
status quO
peace ouT
DangerOus Foe
Morbid crOwd
PlainO, PLAiNo. Was wishiNg to tAkE a plaNE hOme.
FeeL likE the Rest or jumP the chrOnOgraph?
GranDpa deserveS Your comPanY, so gO!
Herd spreAD thInly on thE horiZoN of PlaiN.
IcE biTs shiMMering in tHe sunlIGhT.
YouR handS arOuNd me, thaT's All i NeEd.
savethedaycomewhatmay.standinthecrowd,feelthepain,
theundiscoveredtruthsoozingoutoftheirsides.i'mnosaviorbutwhydoicry?
it'satoughjobtotrytochangethisworldbutsomebody'sgottadothedirtylaundry.
cleaningoutisapainfulthing.ihopeyoucomeonthisjourneywithme-youicallmyfriend,
theoneilove,holdandcherish.iwouldpayyoucandyflossdreamsfortherestofyourlife.
alliwantisaroadtripbuddytoholdmehandtightwhenisleepmypainandtearsaway.
liewithmeandholdmetillthebreakofdawn.thenight'stoocold,tooharsh,toomuchtotakein.
mymorning'sdreadfulandlonelybutthesunstillrisesandsetswithoutanyemotionalempathy.
ineedthesun.cannevergetenough.ican'tfeedyouforever.notnowatleast.
butipromiseiwillkeepyousafeandsoundifyoucomealongwithmeonthisroadlesstravelled.
status quO
peace ouT
DangerOus Foe
Morbid crOwd
PlainO, PLAiNo. Was wishiNg to tAkE a plaNE hOme.
FeeL likE the Rest or jumP the chrOnOgraph?
GranDpa deserveS Your comPanY, so gO!
Herd spreAD thInly on thE horiZoN of PlaiN.
IcE biTs shiMMering in tHe sunlIGhT.
YouR handS arOuNd me, thaT's All i NeEd.
savethedaycomewhatmay.standinthecrowd,feelthepain,
theundiscoveredtruthsoozingoutoftheirsides.i'mnosaviorbutwhydoicry?
it'satoughjobtotrytochangethisworldbutsomebody'sgottadothedirtylaundry.
cleaningoutisapainfulthing.ihopeyoucomeonthisjourneywithme-youicallmyfriend,
theoneilove,holdandcherish.iwouldpayyoucandyflossdreamsfortherestofyourlife.
alliwantisaroadtripbuddytoholdmehandtightwhenisleepmypainandtearsaway.
liewithmeandholdmetillthebreakofdawn.thenight'stoocold,tooharsh,toomuchtotakein.
mymorning'sdreadfulandlonelybutthesunstillrisesandsetswithoutanyemotionalempathy.
ineedthesun.cannevergetenough.ican'tfeedyouforever.notnowatleast.
butipromiseiwillkeepyousafeandsoundifyoucomealongwithmeonthisroadlesstravelled.
Monday, July 21, 2003
Cr ater i nthe mi ddle of t he oce an
Fe els l ikea lon g drivea way fr o mh ome. Exc e p t th ere's so meo nedrow ning in sorr ow. Joh nMa yer calle dtha t quar terli fe crisis. Ma ybe t hi s is real l y the wr o n gway ho me.
Don' t kno w how tote ll yo u. Bu t my wor ld seem sto be go in g a pa rt. I' m, well ,l osingm yself. Whe n peo ple g r ow o ut of the ir zone sof child l i kene ss an dt he lik e, it h a sa pr ofou nd eff e ct ont hos e wh o have som eh ow gon e b ef o re. Ist hi s nor ma l ?
T her e's aso urfee l in glik e ac idpo uredon m yh eart. Ist his th epr ove rbi al ti meof t he d eca de whe r e I be gin tob reak down? An A li e nwi ll al wa y sfe ellik e ther e's so m e form o fcons pi r ac ygo in gon. Di sco ver ycan so met ime sbui ld orb re aka rel atio nshi p. B utt here' sno tur n ingba ckn ow. Ma ytom or row br inga bri g hte rsha deo f bl u ein tomy pa r adi gm.
T he re 'ss om uc hlov et o g iv ether e'sn ot eno ughr oomt of ill.
ch ucK ie
Fe els l ikea lon g drivea way fr o mh ome. Exc e p t th ere's so meo nedrow ning in sorr ow. Joh nMa yer calle dtha t quar terli fe crisis. Ma ybe t hi s is real l y the wr o n gway ho me.
Don' t kno w how tote ll yo u. Bu t my wor ld seem sto be go in g a pa rt. I' m, well ,l osingm yself. Whe n peo ple g r ow o ut of the ir zone sof child l i kene ss an dt he lik e, it h a sa pr ofou nd eff e ct ont hos e wh o have som eh ow gon e b ef o re. Ist hi s nor ma l ?
T her e's aso urfee l in glik e ac idpo uredon m yh eart. Ist his th epr ove rbi al ti meof t he d eca de whe r e I be gin tob reak down? An A li e nwi ll al wa y sfe ellik e ther e's so m e form o fcons pi r ac ygo in gon. Di sco ver ycan so met ime sbui ld orb re aka rel atio nshi p. B utt here' sno tur n ingba ckn ow. Ma ytom or row br inga bri g hte rsha deo f bl u ein tomy pa r adi gm.
T he re 'ss om uc hlov et o g iv ether e'sn ot eno ughr oomt of ill.
ch ucK ie
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Many Many
Excitement. Placebo, Sterephonics, Matchbox Twenty. Catching 'em all. First two free.
Also going Michelle Branch at Prince of Wales.
Yay!
chucKie
Excitement. Placebo, Sterephonics, Matchbox Twenty. Catching 'em all. First two free.
Also going Michelle Branch at Prince of Wales.
Yay!
chucKie
Saturday, July 12, 2003
The Howling
Ocassionally, like right now, I hear the descent of an airplane. For fear that this was the sound of an impending plane crash headed for my abode, I stood still, frozen, seeming to wait out the sound. Soon, the howling winds overtook the aircraft flying past the skies near me. I can breathe now. It's not that bad.
But of late, I have been witnessing one too many accidents. First, it was my own, played out in real time in front of me, slow motion to a sudden split second blackout and panic stricken fear of death and blood on a Friday 13. You would think that would be the last of an accident for a long time running at least.
Last Monday, when I was preparing to go out in the evening, I heard a loud extended crash and screeching of tyres for what sounded like the collision of a big truck onto another car head on. My imagination just ran wild when I heard the catastrophic sound. I got out onto the front of the porch and witnessed the aftermath of the accident - a 4WD had collided onto the lamp post and it seemed like another car was wedged somewhere between. Part of the view was covered by the roof top of several houses leading up to the main road. I couldn't tell exactly what might have happened. But in a few minutes, the police, ambulance and firebrigade were around - taking on what looked like a removal/excavation sort of exercise. They seemed to have brought in some giant crane to remove the crushed vehicles to perhaps save someone.
It was too much for me to take. I shuddered as I closed the door to hide from the cold I was catching while standing out there frozen with that chill down my spine. Thought I heard a crying child. Try not to think of it.
Then, last night, as I sat in front of my computer, typing out an email, I heard a loud crash again. This time, it was about 1 am into the wee hours. It was loud enough for me to tell that some form of glass had shattered. It was somewhere north east of where I was sitting, in my room at the back of the house. It was too dark for me to climb out to attempt to see what had happened. I was too chicken to do that too. In less than 5 mins, I heard the urgent siren of the ambulance wailing frantically in the drift of the night. Someone is injured again. At least bad enough for the ambulance to arrive in such travail.
I sat still. Said a prayer. Called on the name of Jesus.
It's too ridiculous. How I am so close to so many reckless drivers by 6 degrees of seperation, sometimes even of physical distance.
But as of today, I become a full fledged pedestrian once again. At least for a few months to come. Just have to keep my eyes open for the drunkards, lunatics and reckless bastards.
keep me sober ...
chucKie
Ocassionally, like right now, I hear the descent of an airplane. For fear that this was the sound of an impending plane crash headed for my abode, I stood still, frozen, seeming to wait out the sound. Soon, the howling winds overtook the aircraft flying past the skies near me. I can breathe now. It's not that bad.
But of late, I have been witnessing one too many accidents. First, it was my own, played out in real time in front of me, slow motion to a sudden split second blackout and panic stricken fear of death and blood on a Friday 13. You would think that would be the last of an accident for a long time running at least.
Last Monday, when I was preparing to go out in the evening, I heard a loud extended crash and screeching of tyres for what sounded like the collision of a big truck onto another car head on. My imagination just ran wild when I heard the catastrophic sound. I got out onto the front of the porch and witnessed the aftermath of the accident - a 4WD had collided onto the lamp post and it seemed like another car was wedged somewhere between. Part of the view was covered by the roof top of several houses leading up to the main road. I couldn't tell exactly what might have happened. But in a few minutes, the police, ambulance and firebrigade were around - taking on what looked like a removal/excavation sort of exercise. They seemed to have brought in some giant crane to remove the crushed vehicles to perhaps save someone.
It was too much for me to take. I shuddered as I closed the door to hide from the cold I was catching while standing out there frozen with that chill down my spine. Thought I heard a crying child. Try not to think of it.
Then, last night, as I sat in front of my computer, typing out an email, I heard a loud crash again. This time, it was about 1 am into the wee hours. It was loud enough for me to tell that some form of glass had shattered. It was somewhere north east of where I was sitting, in my room at the back of the house. It was too dark for me to climb out to attempt to see what had happened. I was too chicken to do that too. In less than 5 mins, I heard the urgent siren of the ambulance wailing frantically in the drift of the night. Someone is injured again. At least bad enough for the ambulance to arrive in such travail.
I sat still. Said a prayer. Called on the name of Jesus.
It's too ridiculous. How I am so close to so many reckless drivers by 6 degrees of seperation, sometimes even of physical distance.
But as of today, I become a full fledged pedestrian once again. At least for a few months to come. Just have to keep my eyes open for the drunkards, lunatics and reckless bastards.
keep me sober ...
chucKie
Monday, July 07, 2003
Gone Like The Wind
The night's been harsh and brutal. Creaking fences and tired trees resisting the plough of the wind. The little car swayed side to side whenever a strong gust glided and pushed against the side of the door.
It was an early night. The dinner crowd didn't take as long to proceed to the usual place for food. The crowd was smaller than usual. Some familiar faces were strangely missing.
Discovered that more than my fair share of friends are in Sydney as I speak. For the Hillsongs Conference, which happens annually at around this time of year. In fact, this week is the week of the conference.
It's out of my league to go. The tickets to the conference sets you back by $200 alone. A friend mentioned that you'd be looking at $500 at the very least for the trip. The air tickets, the accomodation, food and the merchandise you'll be expected and tempted to buy.
Interestingly, I didn't see it that way. But that friend mentioned he won't spend $500 to travel up to Sydney to worship God. Sounds ridiculous to pay to worship God. It's a concept that's arguably controversial.
Personally, it sounds like a luxury trip for a spiritual experience, if you can afford it. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's the same as paying a few thousand dollars for a holiday to Kathmandu, take to the mountains and spend a week, a month or even a year up in the summit to seek God, away from the city lights, distractions and poison. I've gone on several holidays partly to get away from work and the mundane that has encroached into my mind. To get away so that I could create space in my being to meditate and calm my spirit and wait on God.
But only if you can afford the luxury.
There is a time for everything. And times like these, we have to learn to make space amid the chaos. We've been sold on so many things it's become a part of our ethos. Taking them apart is a tricky matter these days. Gotta be careful not to look like I'm stepping on your toes. For, you know, what you think are your toes aren't really your toes, if you know what I mean.
I love you, you, and you, and you and, yes even you. There's so much I want to give to you but I cannot be so selfish. I have to let you love me too. In your own time.
And when that happens, I will still be the same boy you picked up when you first went to grade school.
Have a great time on my behalf, guys. Enjoy the sun while you can. It's nice to escape the Melbourne weather once in a while.
chucKie
The night's been harsh and brutal. Creaking fences and tired trees resisting the plough of the wind. The little car swayed side to side whenever a strong gust glided and pushed against the side of the door.
It was an early night. The dinner crowd didn't take as long to proceed to the usual place for food. The crowd was smaller than usual. Some familiar faces were strangely missing.
Discovered that more than my fair share of friends are in Sydney as I speak. For the Hillsongs Conference, which happens annually at around this time of year. In fact, this week is the week of the conference.
It's out of my league to go. The tickets to the conference sets you back by $200 alone. A friend mentioned that you'd be looking at $500 at the very least for the trip. The air tickets, the accomodation, food and the merchandise you'll be expected and tempted to buy.
Interestingly, I didn't see it that way. But that friend mentioned he won't spend $500 to travel up to Sydney to worship God. Sounds ridiculous to pay to worship God. It's a concept that's arguably controversial.
Personally, it sounds like a luxury trip for a spiritual experience, if you can afford it. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's the same as paying a few thousand dollars for a holiday to Kathmandu, take to the mountains and spend a week, a month or even a year up in the summit to seek God, away from the city lights, distractions and poison. I've gone on several holidays partly to get away from work and the mundane that has encroached into my mind. To get away so that I could create space in my being to meditate and calm my spirit and wait on God.
But only if you can afford the luxury.
There is a time for everything. And times like these, we have to learn to make space amid the chaos. We've been sold on so many things it's become a part of our ethos. Taking them apart is a tricky matter these days. Gotta be careful not to look like I'm stepping on your toes. For, you know, what you think are your toes aren't really your toes, if you know what I mean.
I love you, you, and you, and you and, yes even you. There's so much I want to give to you but I cannot be so selfish. I have to let you love me too. In your own time.
And when that happens, I will still be the same boy you picked up when you first went to grade school.
Have a great time on my behalf, guys. Enjoy the sun while you can. It's nice to escape the Melbourne weather once in a while.
chucKie
Saturday, July 05, 2003
Alive
Might as well give it a shout. Yes, I feel alive - ALIVE! Not that it's a never felt before moment but it's nice to come out of pain.
The pain is lesser. But the days are getting so beautiful. Winter sun is a magnificient thing to behold. Waking up in the morning makes me feel so good. Cos I know I have things happening for me. People to talk to. New friendships to form. New life long passions to go nuts for.
Friend called today and said I apparently haven't recovered from the concussion from the accident. He has no idea. I sound insane, I know. But haven't you heard? It's a joy to serve.
Served my brother today. A new found brother. Never knew that I could find someone who shares the same passion of maxing out his own potential. It's gonna be exciting. When two or three are gathered a lot of things can happen because God is among them. He's going to use this synergy to create waves after waves after waves of revolution that will blow your mind.
'I won't give up on giving YOU the chance to BLOW MY MIND!' - The Eleventh Hour, Jars of Clay.
jumping jelly beans!
chucKie
Might as well give it a shout. Yes, I feel alive - ALIVE! Not that it's a never felt before moment but it's nice to come out of pain.
The pain is lesser. But the days are getting so beautiful. Winter sun is a magnificient thing to behold. Waking up in the morning makes me feel so good. Cos I know I have things happening for me. People to talk to. New friendships to form. New life long passions to go nuts for.
Friend called today and said I apparently haven't recovered from the concussion from the accident. He has no idea. I sound insane, I know. But haven't you heard? It's a joy to serve.
Served my brother today. A new found brother. Never knew that I could find someone who shares the same passion of maxing out his own potential. It's gonna be exciting. When two or three are gathered a lot of things can happen because God is among them. He's going to use this synergy to create waves after waves after waves of revolution that will blow your mind.
'I won't give up on giving YOU the chance to BLOW MY MIND!' - The Eleventh Hour, Jars of Clay.
jumping jelly beans!
chucKie
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
The Fracture
It's keeping me out of work for at least more than a month. The pain is still there. Making it also impossible to go to the gym or continue my tai box lessons.
The crash also left me immobile. Right now I'm driving a rental around. But by this week's end, I will be back to a pedestrian - travelling many hours to and from the city.
Can't move. Can't run. Can't exercise. Can't work. Can't commute. Why is it culminating to this? Have I done something wrong? Can't help questioning. That same feeling. Of abandonment and being stranded in the middle of nowhere.
It's frustrating. And I feel destructive.
chucKie
It's keeping me out of work for at least more than a month. The pain is still there. Making it also impossible to go to the gym or continue my tai box lessons.
The crash also left me immobile. Right now I'm driving a rental around. But by this week's end, I will be back to a pedestrian - travelling many hours to and from the city.
Can't move. Can't run. Can't exercise. Can't work. Can't commute. Why is it culminating to this? Have I done something wrong? Can't help questioning. That same feeling. Of abandonment and being stranded in the middle of nowhere.
It's frustrating. And I feel destructive.
chucKie
